To all the people who think single people are miserable - you’re actually right! Single people are indeed miserable. But they’re not miserable for reasons you might already think. They’re not miserable because they’re alone or because they just loathe being single. They’re miserable from constantly hearing misconceptions, judgements and conclusions on what their life has become or would only amount to just because they’re single.
---
It’s that time of the month again. I’m sure, being single, you’re expecting to hear all the same lines you’ve heard last year and maybe even in the years before that. Relatives who keep asking when it's going to be your turn to get married and who are now praising your cousins who got married or pregnant early since compared to you, they're not as "miserable" anymore because they already have a family of their own. Not to mention parties where you are consistently bombarded with questions on when you will get married or where possible problems with your personalities are one by one enumerated to see where the issue is coming from.
People always think that single people are miserable human beings who are at home on the weekends, lounging on the sofa with their fat cat sleeping next to them; binge watching rom-coms while eating popcorn with their PJs still on (yes, to be perfectly honest that actually happens but not the point lol). Why is it always thought that single people are unhappy or incomplete just because they don't currently have a relationship or still aren't married yet? I'm not sure what makes people think that they do not have the capacity to be happy or be fulfilled on their own. Why do people always think that a person needs someone first for them to feel secured or content?
It’s quite hard to comprehend why it can be difficult for some to understand that people have a choice and sometimes it’s not the most conventional one. That it's not always like those romantic dramas where the lovers are destined to be together or just easily fall in love after bumping into each other - with the time stopping and the books flying in the air in slow motion. And it’s also not like those telenovelas you’ve watched where the lovers are star-crossed and are prevented from being together by forces such as their family. Yes, life is full of drama but it isn't really a drama. People have different paths, directions, goals, wants and a personal choice on things that concern them. Simply put, you can't expect a person to live life patterned to only one standard timeline, set by God knows who, and deem them a failure or damaged goods if they don’t fit the mould.
It pains me to see other people being much more invested in someone else's life when, in reality, their personal life is even more of a misery or mess than what they would actually let on. Much more so when they act as if single people are a problem or a murder mystery to be solved. That there’s a lingering problem with them which is why they are stuck on their own. Why do they act as if they already have all the answers to life’s questions? Why bother about someone else's life and relationship status? Why do they act as if they are in a better position in life just because they have already found someone they want to spend their life with? What makes one better than other? At times, they even act as if single people have a disease that they need to be cured from. No one needs to cure or liberate single people from any miseries you think they have - if there's even one. And yes, it might get lonely at times but singleness provides them the ability to personally grow, and to maximize the time, potential and resources they have while they still can. They are able to do so much more than what you can ever think or imagine possible. Seeing their potential is so much better than always measuring up their worth in terms of whether they are in a relationship or are already married.
Marriage, for sure, is a beautiful thing. Who wouldn’t want to be with someone you can share your life with? But not having someone at the moment isn’t worse either. It gives you more time for yourself - more time to do and experience things you wouldn’t be able to do once you’re already married. And, however wonderful having a relationship or being married might be, it should not be viewed as the only hope, the only solution and the only end point of one's life. It should not be one’s measure of self-worth, capacity to love and be loved, nor a gauge on how good the fate or future of a person would be. And as I've mentioned in an old post, marriage is just a point in one's life - it’s a season that happens, a wonderful chapter that unfolds - but it is not the point of life nor it is the culmination of all the things you’ve worked hard for. Each person has a lifetime to do what he or she wants and it’s not supposed to be centered and focused on having a relationship or in getting married alone.
Being in a relationship or getting married isn’t a bad thing at all. But being single doesn't also automatically make a person less of a person or even miserable at that. It doesn’t mean that you are a lonely person with all sorts of problems and complications in life. More so, it doesn’t mean that you’re unwanted or do not have the ability to decide on your own who to love or be with. That’s not to say that all single people do not want to have a relationship. It’s just that sometimes it happens easily, at times, it doesn’t or, for some, it doesn’t really happen at all. Whatever it is, the whole point is that a relationship status doesn't make a person greater nor it is a gauge on who is in a much better position in life. And the same goes for every aspect of life. Moving faster in the next season of life or even achieving something that others haven’t yet doesn’t mean you’re better. Each of us have different stories to live and to tell so we shouldn’t confine people in just one standard or made-up timeline. And that is why, as cliché as it may sound, you should not compare your journey with others’.
This post is not a contest between which season or relationship status is much better. But this is more of a nudge, a reality check - to remember to be mindful of others and as well as to appreciate each season that comes in life no matter how long or short it may be. Life is not a race. If it is then I don’t think anyone’s winning at all.
---
To all those who think single people are miserable: It’s not really kind or caring to spontaneously ask single people when they will be in a relationship or when they would even get married. It’s like asking an 80-year old man when he’ll die. Don’t rush someone else’s life. Let them walk it on their own.
And to all the single people out there: You are right where you are for a reason. You are still in that season to flourish and to thrive. Maximize it and enjoy it! And don't forget to savor the ride!
